"Enough with the human bashing, okay? Some of my best friends happen to be human!"
- Jack Bruno, Race to Witch Mountain
I tried something... it didn't really work.
I've discovered that I can be a bit of a rule breaker, especially when I was the one that made up the rules in the first place. Ironic, but true.
I decided that for the entire month of February I wasn't going to say anything negative about myself. Then I took it a step further, when someone else said something positive about me, I wouldn't argue with them. I wouldn't even say "whatever."
Dang! It was hard!
I forgot a lot, some of the rest of the time I ignored it... but I did try not to.
I'll tell you why I attempted this in the first place.
A while back someone got on my case for saying "whatever" when they complimented me. They reminded me that one of our mutual friends does the same thing and they got it enough from her. I couldn't argue that because it's one thing that gets on my last nerve.
To me it says "I don't believe you. I don't care what you think about me. Your opinion doesn't matter."
In short, I knew how she felt.
I think maybe, sometimes, God feels like that too. He says He loves us... no, me, and I ask how He possibly could. He says that I'm perfect, and I say 'yeah right.' He says that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me, and I say 'worthless people don't make a difference.'
Do you suppose that He ever just sighs and wonders when I'm going to get it? When I'm going to get that He loves me as I am, because I could never be good enough? That He can use me as He created me because He doesn't make mistakes?
Lately God has been challenging me with truth. Mostly truth about what He says about me, but then He took it a step further and challenged me to accept the way that other people see me. To believe them when they tell me that I'm beautiful, encouraging, important, and loved.
Instead of shrugging it off and saying "whatever" on the outside, when my heart is breaking with utter worthlessness on the inside.
"They don't really know me..."
"Just wait, they'll change their mind... people always do."
"Someday they'll see me as I do, then they'll know I'm worthless."
God says that I've rested in the security of worthlessness far too long, and it's time to ditch it and hang onto Truth.
Is God challenging you with Truth? Is He challenging you to believe that you are loved not only by Him, but also by people?
Even though I messed up some in my whole "month of February" thing, I do know this. God says that I have to seek Truth, and so seek it I shall.
Because at the end of the day, the only thing truly worth hanging onto with everything you've got is Truth. I promise, it's worth it!
Non Nobis Domine!