This might possibly become a regular section of my blog, I am getting one of my weird-gut-instinct-almost-never-wrong hunches that God is going to start asking me to be a lot more open with... well... everybody. About... well... everything.
I'm not thrilled.
As a matter of fact, if you walked into my room this minute and picked up my journal that is lying besides me and started to read it. ANY of it. I would probably snatch it out of your hands and hide it in the deepest darkest corner of the basement. (We dont have a basement, but that's not the point.) The point is that in my journal I am real. Completely, utterly, 100% genuine and honest.
Frankly, it aint pretty.
Oh parts of it are... there are lots of great little brilliant things God has given me in it (like the one below). But most of it is just me. Me struggling. Me hurting. Me questioning. Me over analyzing.
The thought of someone, ANYONE, seeing that side of me, that fragile, vulnerable little girl I try so hard not to be, terrifies me to my core.
But all masquerades must end, and eventually either we completely reject God, or we allow Him to use someone that is frail and broken.
I'm still looking for a door number three.
But until that time... this was my date with God a couple weeks ago:
God: "Seek peace, and pursue it."
Me: (seriously confused because 5 seconds ago I was talking about photography, truth, and who I was created to be... that was the conversation I THOUGHT we were having)
"Uhh... what?"
God: "Seek peace, and pursue it."
Me: "Peace with what? Peace with me? Peach with You? Peace with people? And how do you pursue it? I dont get it..."
God: "Peace from lies. Peace from fear. Peace from worry and care. Peace that is strong enough to fight every battle and weather every storm. Peace that remains when the world falls apart"
God: "I AM that peace. Seek ME, and PURSUE ME."
Kinda cool, huh? =)
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